“It’s okay. I’ll get into a good company.”

Yeon Woojeong would speak annoyingly and smiled widely. I roughly raised a corner of my mouth and emptied my cup of soda. I felt that would make me look more annoying. It was hard imitating Yeon Woojeong. 

“Right, that’s right. I heard companies don’t force you to drink these days.”

Lee Cheolwoo nodded and started talking seriously about anti-bullying laws. I listened, then excused myself to use the restroom. I thought of sitting in a different seat when I came back.

I walked outside after washing my hands in the restroom. Quite a bit of time had passed. I didn’t do much, but it was already past 10 p.m. I sat on a bench in the yard and stared at the dark surroundings.

I was tired. I shouldn’t come next time. My body was fine, but my mind was tired. Controlling my expressions to make up my image was a difficult thing to do. But it wasn’t unmanageable. I was no longer a child who had nothing and could act recklessly. I used to feel terrified about dealing with people when life was so fucked up, but now, well… It didn’t seem like such a big deal.

I took out my phone. I wondered if he was already home by now. Just when I was thinking I should call him, a call arrived from Yeon Woojeong. My heart swelled with the realization that we had that connection.

“Yes, Mr. Yeon.”

―Mhm. You’re fast picking it up, Are you alone?

“Yeah, I’m out to get some air.”

I still could hear some grasshopper sounds. I liked the cool breeze.

“What are you doing?”

―Just sitting.

“Did you have dinner?”

―I did. I would get scolded by a certain someone otherwise.

“When did I scold you?”

―You always scold me with your expressions.

“You never listen, though.”

―Uh-huh. Are you going to give me a real scolding now?

I laughed at the inane conversation. Yeon Woojeong laughed too. I clenched and unclenched my fist slowly. I drew meaningless pictures on the ground with my toes.

“Now it’s not so hot.”

―Yeah. Autumn is coming.

“That’s good for you.”

Yeon Woojeong didn’t get cold easily, instead, he got hot a lot. Usually, he was fine since he always kept the air conditioner on at home, in his car, and at his office, but whenever we took a short walk outside, he would look for iced coffee or a cold beer.

And he often touched my hands. He said he likes my hands because they’re cold. So sometimes, before I met Yeon Woojeong outside, I would hold a cold beverage and then put my hands on his neck. Yeon Woojeong would frown, yet smile when I did that.

―Yeah. I like autumn the most. What about you?

“I like it when it’s warm.

―Spring?

“Yeah.”

When it was hot, I could survive somehow, at least by taking off my clothes, but when it was cold, I couldn’t. Winter was also the season when poverty was most visible. Even though my hands were chapped, I had to hesitate to buy lotion because I couldn’t afford it. I always felt helpless when winter came.

Still, last winter was filled with memories of the sea I saw with Yeon Woojeong on a day when the snow was falling heavily. I got to know why people love snow.

―Then I need to warm you up.

His voice was too sweet. I clenched my fist and opened it quickly because it was not only sweet but also sticky. Something seemed off about the way he spoke, so I stared into space.

“Just now…”

―Just now?

“It’s nothing.”

―Why did you stop?

“Just now, you said something weird, didn’t you?”

There was silence. Then, there was laughter.

―Weird? Why don’t you choose a different word?

“What?”

―Jiho, shall I warm you up?

I brought my legs together. Goosebumps rose on my forearms. This time, he definitely meant it. I slammed my fist down lightly on the bench.

I would have kissed him right away had he been in front of me. Had he been by my side, I would…

―Why are you being so jittery?

“I’m outside.”

―Are you getting a boner?

“I’m not!”

I shut my mouth and collected my breath. Through the phone, I could hear Yeon Woojeong laughing under his breath, and the sound made me lose control of my expression. I was glad he couldn’t see me right now. My face was making all sorts of expressions now. 

―Are you not going in? You’ve been out a while.

“… Well. I’m out for a minute.”

―Go in. It’s getting cold.

“Yeah. Go to bed early.”

The call ended. I wistfully fiddled with my warm phone, then got up and went inside.

“Hey, where have you been!”

Lee Cheolwoo raised his hand to me. Luckily, Kang Hyunnam had moved to another seat. I sat down next to Lee Cheolwoo again and we chatted.

Everyone started to clean up as it was close to midnight. It had been a struggle to stay out so late, so I felt happy with the sound of sleep and rushed to clean up. I waited my turn, washed up in the bathroom, then went to bed.

“Urgh, I feel like dying.”

Lee Cheolwoo lay down next to me. I could have just laid down, but for some reason, I thought of Yeon Woojeong. I checked the time. Is he asleep? 

“Jiho, are you not sleeping?”

“Hmm, sleep.”

When asked to turn off the light, I did so and left the room. People were already sprawled out and sleeping in the living room. I quietly walked past them and went outside.

I felt the air turned colder in just a few hours. I checked my phone and there was no call from Yeon Woojeong. Well, it hadn’t been that long since we called.

I walked in a circle in the yard. The crunch of the grass underfoot tickled my ears. I fiddled with my phone and finally went into my call logs and dialed the number of Yeon Woojeong, who had taken over the list.

―Mhm.

I heard Yeon Woojeong’s voice immediately without a single beep. His voice was clear as if he wasn’t sleeping. I opened my mouth, but I closed it back. Other sounds seemed to seep through the silence.

“Mr. Yeon, are you outside?”

―Hmm, yeah.

“Where?”

Yeon Woojeong laughed silently. Where is he at this time? Is he out to smoke? I thought absentmindedly, but then a thought crossed my mind.

I walked over to the gate connected to the yard. A dark street with a few street lamps stretched out in front of me, and at the end of it, I saw a familiar car.

“Mr. Yeon”

―Hmm.

I walked. No, I ran. Yeon Woojeong didn’t say anything even though I was silent after calling him. I got closer to the car. I couldn’t see inside, but I knew he was sitting there.

When I finally got to the car, I held my phone to my ear and took a deep breath. I couldn’t see inside the tinted window. As soon as I took a step, the car’s lights flickered on. Yeon Woojeong, who was sitting in the driver’s seat, smirked as he held his phone to his ear.

My chest swelled. Laughter mingled with my scattered breaths. My heart tightened.

I can’t live without that man.

Suddenly, it hit me, and it knocked me down. But it was also he who raised me up again.

I put my phone down and walked slowly to open the door to the passenger seat. Once inside, I sat down and he turned off the lights.

“How did you get here?”

“More convenient than you think, right?”

Yeon Woojeong smiled a little smugly and tapped his watch. The off-screen lit up the time. I tugged on his wrist and pulled him into a tight embrace. I planted my lips on his shoulder.

“I went home and you weren’t there… It felt so awkward.”

His fingertips tickled my ear. His warm body breathed in my arms.

“You’re in trouble. You have to take responsibility.”

“Yeah, I will.”

I pulled myself away and pressed my lips to Yeon Woojeong’s palm. He smiled and cupped my cheek with the hand I had kissed.

“What have you been doing up?”

“Well… you were home alone.”

I hoped he wouldn’t feel anything less in our new home. I shouldn’t have come to the MT. I should have just slept with him.

But perhaps the painful times were the reason why this moment with Yeon Woojeong was so pleasant and sparkling. Then maybe everything was a process. In order to be by his side.

“Shall we go home?”

“The others will be surprised if you suddenly go”

“I’ll go and tell them.”

Yeon Woojeong smiled and looked at me silently. I liked the way his gaze lovingly stroked my face, so I stayed still.

“I’m just here to see your face.”

“If so…”

I leaned toward him and extended my hand. Yeon Woojeong narrowed his eyes. I pulled a button to recline the back of the chair, and he lay down, looking up at me.

“What are you doing?”

“If we sleep here, you won’t have to be alone, and I’ll be here until the end of the MT.”

I also reclined my chair so we were lying side by side. It wasn’t too uncomfortable because the car was nice. Yeon Woojeong glanced at me, then arched his eyes and laughed.

“Ah… I swear… I really don’t know how my day goes when I’m with you.”

“Do you mean that in a good way?”

“Yeah, I do.”

The open window let in a breeze, and the chair was fluffy and warm, it felt good. I was alone with Yeon Woojeong in an unfamiliar place. In contrast to my relaxed body, my heart suddenly leaped in my chest. I reached out and took his hand, and he squeezed mine.

“Feels good. Staying like this.”

Outside, I could hear the sound of grasshoppers. The season outside the car was late fall, but the season inside the car could have been spring or fall.

“So how was it? Your first MT impression?”

“It was fun, but I won’t go next time. I don’t like to sleep over.”

“I see.”

Yeon Woojeong slipped his fingers between mine and laced them together. His hand was warm and soft. I rubbed the back of his hand with my fingertips.

“Next time, leave the lights off.”

“Why?”

“I was disappointed because you weren’t there.”

“… I won’t go next time.”

I made a note to myself to always come home and turn on the lights before Yeon Woojeong unless there was something really unavoidable. So the space with me became his home to come back to, just like I did. So that he didn’t feel lonely and awkward.

“We can see lots of stars here.”

Yeon Woojeong whispered as he glanced out the open window. I couldn’t see it from my place, but I replied “Yeah.” I looked at him. I thought about the time he spent running all the way here after being alone at home. Yeon Woojeong was so unbearably…

I raised my body and leaned toward him. His gaze shifted back to me. When he saw I had come closer, he lowered his gaze. Our lips touched. The sound of the grasshoppers stopped.