chapter 15

T/N: This chapter is told from Lizzie’s POV

‘You’re going to be the empress. You have to learn to behave arrogantly, gracefully, dignified, and to speak with a well-cultured manner. Don’t forget your compassion for being generous with people. That is the most basic virtue a perfect empress should possess.’

Both mother and father. The people I’ll be grateful to when I grow up.

They always said that when they patted my head and hugged me, praising me that I was a good child.

Whenever my mother hugged me, my breath choked and the tip of my nose tickled at the ominous scent. Every time my father raised his hand to caress me, I flinched and my heart pounded wildly. But as soon as the warmth touched me, that unpleasant palpitation disappeared in an instant.

The two of you love me.

If I grew up as a good child, a person worthy of becoming the empress, and a decent lady, would you hug me like that again? Would you stroke my hair tenderly?

My father bought me shoes.

The shoes on father’s palms looked very small, like lavishly dazzling diamonds on white satin. But those shoes, with even higher heels than those in my mother’s dressing room, fit my feet perfectly.

Our good Isolde, our pretty daughter.

Mother said so and made me stand up.

My knees were shaking and the tips of my toes were so sore.

Still, I had to walk.

I put a book on my head, and if my posture was even a little distorted, I got hit with a stick.

As I got used to the Lady’s graceful gait, the toes were unsightly twisted, blistered, and heels were always peeling and oozing.

My mother then brought me a corset.

The corset made of precious whale bones and beards was specially ordered by my mother for me. A slender body is also one of the virtues of a lady, said my mother, but it took my breath away. It was hard to breathe, my vision was spinning and my stomach was so stuffy that even drinking the thin soup was very difficult, but I had to do it anyway. I had to be the perfect empress.

Then one day he came into my life.

Leonhard Tristan von Espedor.

The person who will be my companion, who is bound to me by the relationship of the couple ever since I was inside mother’s womb.

He was a very beautiful person, whose name I learnt to spell and pronounce before my own name.

Although his first impression of me was the worst, his Highness, with overflowing benevolence, forgave me generously.

It was enjoyable to see his blond hair glittering under the sun.

The violet from his eyes was a strange color that could not be found anywhere in my white room.

None of my purple jewels would be as sparkle as his eyes.

That’s why I liked him a lot.

When he came in my dream, everytime I opened my eyes, I would pull the blanket over my head again.

Can I see him again if I fall asleep like this?

There was a day when I closed my eyes again with that expectation.

But instead of the beautiful Prince, my mother’s harsh scolding came to me.

I was bad. It’s my fault for being greedy.

So don’t make such a scary face, mother. Please?

Your Highness gave me shoes a few days ago.

As a lady, it was a shame to show my ankle…but he’s going to be my husband someday, so I put up with it even though I was shy.

Then he took off my shoes and put on new shoes.

I remembered the princess in the fairy tale book that my mother burned down, reasoning that I was too old to read it.

The princess’ glass shoes were worn by the prince as well.

But he gave me shoes embroidered with blue flowers instead of glass shoes.

And I spent a really dreamy day with him.

That day was the first time I knew what color the sky is, how warm the spring sun is, what sound it makes when you walk on the lawn, and what scent it smells like in the flower garden.

Leon.

Late at night, just in case anyone heard, I tried to pronounce his name quietly with a blanket over me.

Leon. Leon. Leon.

That alone tickled my heart.

What’s this different feeling of tickling and pounding from when I face my father?

I was curious and bewildered

Although my cheek still throbbed from mother’s slap, it was fine as long as I could call his name.

Leon.

It was amazing how I could smile whenever I called his name.